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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25792315">The contrary</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account'>orphan_account</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars Sequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops &amp; Cafés, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Canon Age Difference, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, If i never finish this I won't be suprised., Rey does NOT have her shit together, Small Town Shenanigans, Soft Ben Solo, Talk of mental illness, Teacher-Student Relationship, author doesn't know how to write, but thats okay, inconsistent updates, like for real, lots of swearing</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 09:14:42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,435</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25792315</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Rey goes back to her hometown after a stressful senior year at college, to find that her old asshole English professor is also her neighbors estranged (ish?) son. Chaos and stupid amounts of fluff ensue</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This story is like: A big pile of vent. Before you begin, I want to emphasize the things that will be mentioned and talked about.<br/>-Self H*rm<br/>-Suic*de<br/>-Sex*al A*sult<br/>-Breakdowns<br/>-panic attacks<br/>-alcohol (never any drinking occurs though.) </p><p>As someone with serious triggers, I understand the need for these things to be made clear in stories, so before each chapter that contains any of these, I will state it at the beginning, and bold the start and end of each trigger. Everyone deserves to enjoy content. </p><p>Skip the rest of this note if you hate rambling</p><p>Okay, so, first of all, hello. Thank you very much for reading. I apologise for they large array of swearing. It's a nasty habit of mine I can't seem to break. I am going to try and update once a week, but we shall see I suppose. </p><p>A small note: I am currently struggling with trauma of my own. This story is something I am using for comfort. Everything mentioned above will not be in depth descriptions because I literally can not handle that. Both Rey and Ben are serious comfort characters to me. Basically, consider this fic as one big coping mechanism while I deal with the little gremlins in my mind some call trauma. There will be no sexual content. I totally respect those that enjoy that content, but it isn't for me! </p><p>Another note: Ben is... Ben. He has his demons, but being 32, he has learned to cope in healthier and less toxic ways. Rey is ten years behind, and dealing with abandonment issues. I shall emphasize that Ben is NOT here to fix Rey. I fucking hate that whole "oh I can fix u!" concept because it's stupid and degrading. Bleh. Their relationship revolves around growth, safety, and a caretaking esc relationship. He is there to stand by and support Rey through her struggles, not be her therapist.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>To say Rey was happy that she had graduated was an understatement. </p><p>After slaving and slaving away, trying to appease unappeasable professors, writing papers overnight, eating ramen noodles for four weeks straight, and not doing her laundry for months at a time, Rey was <em> free </em>. </p><p>Rey's most recent semester, and last, had been less than pleasant to say the least. </p><p>But it wasn’t Rey’s fault her advanced literature professor was a total prick. It also wasn’t her fault he seemed to relentlessly tear her papers to pieces with unsolicited criticism, or call out her grade in the middle of class to pick apart all of her mistakes in front of the class. Truely, none of this was her doing, it was all on his part. </p><p>Professor <em> sticks up his ass </em> Ren. </p><p>But, despite Rens misgivings, he wasn’t the only reason her semester was decidedly horrible. </p><p>The Dean of First Order University ended up being exposed as a complete fraud who plagiarized the majority of his public writings at the very end of the semester. </p><p>What did Dr. Snoke plagiarize?</p><p>Professor <em> sticks up his ass </em>Rens studies on the romanticism of late 17th century writings. </p><p>So, Rey could honestly give Ren a little more slack for being such a bitch about absolute everything. I mean, the dude did get totally fucked over by his employer, so who was she to judge?</p><p>Still didn’t take away the fact that he was a pain in the ass, but it did explain his actions. </p><p>So to say her semester was good was a complete lie. Rey could conclude with full confidence that she was very excited to leave college behind, and spend the summer on Ajan, a small island off of the coast of northern Maine. </p><p>Although, if Rey was being honest, Ajan wasn’t exactly a tropical escape, and more of a rocky, turbulent water and hurricanes sort of escape. </p><p>So, not much of an escape at all. </p><p>But nevertheless, it was where Rey’s foster mother lived, and Rey couldn’t think of a better place to get her feet off the ground than back at home. It was safe, comfortable, and she could keep watch of Maz who, despite her opposition, was in fact getting older. </p><p>It would also be nice to see her neighbors again, Leia and Han. An older couple who had been there since Rey arrived in her freshman year of highschool.</p><p>Leia and Han had been there throughout Rey’s entire high school career. Leia was the first person Rey told about her old foster father, and the things he did to her. And Leia was the second to know about her acceptance into First Order University. Right after Maz of course. </p><p>Han was fast to accept and bond with Rey over cars, and would snort whenever she mentioned anything slightly academic. He was the first person Rey went to after being beaten up by bullies at her school. He was the one who taught her how to throw a mean right hook, and clean up the repercussions of said right hook. </p><p>So to say Leia and Han were just as much family as Maz was, was completely true. </p><p>What shocked Rey though, was when, in junior year, she learned that they had a son. </p><p>Neither Leia or Han had mentioned him once to Rey, so when she wandered into the back room of the second floor to find a boys bedroom, with books piled high and posters of stupidly obscure indie bands, she had been shocked. </p><p>Leia told her that six years before Rey had come to Maz, her son Ben had left. According to Leia, he was told by an older man that he could have everything he wanted, and that, “<em> contrary to popular belief </em>”, he was actually worth something. They hadn’t heard a single thing from him since the day he walked right out of the door with nothing but the clothes on his back. </p><p>Ben had broken their hearts. </p><p>Rey was <em> livid </em>. </p><p>How could someone just leave two of the most loving people ever? How did that happen? How awful of a person could he be? </p><p>He had everything that she didn’t have. He had a family, a room with books and clothes, freedom to go to school, <em> food </em>.  </p><p>How could he leave? </p><p>Leia told Rey that she never once blamed Ben. Instead, she blamed the man who manipulated Ben into believing that the rest of the world hated him, and in the end, only he could help Ben prove to the world he was worth more than everyone believed. </p><p>It made sense. But it didn’t make Rey any less angry. </p><p>As Rey grew up, and moved away though, she began to understand Ben a little more. Why he did what he did, and what pushed him to just leaving everything he knew and loved behind. </p><p>The bitterness still left a bad taste in her mouth though. </p><p>Even as Rey’s taxi stopped in front of the old, white house where Maz lived, she could still feel the sting of sorrow for the Solo family. </p><p>Right as Rey opened the car door, she was attacked by two things. The annoyingly cool air of northern Maine (even though it <em> was </em> scientifically summer), and her foster mother Maz. </p><p>“Rey! Rey my dear how are you! It has been far too long and you do not call nearly as much as you should!” The old woman scolded, grabbing her face and inspecting it as one would a fancy rock they find in the ocean. “You are so thin! What on earth have you been eating, child?” </p><p>Rey laughed, “Not as much as I should be Maz. It’s good to be home.” </p><p>Maz smiled, “Yes, well, you should come inside. The news men say that this summer will be unseasonably cold for some reason. Leia will be ecstatic to see you, she has impressive news I think you will be happy to hear, as I know you love their family drama very much-” </p><p>“Maz, you keep talking like that and you’re going to end up telling her yourself.” </p><p>Rey snapped her head over to the house next to Maz’s, Squinting to see her second mother figure through the thick trees surrounding Maz’s house. </p><p>“Leia!” </p><p>Leia laughed, “Hello Rey! It’s great to have you back!”</p><p>“Come over! You can tell her all of your news over tea.” Maz commanded. Ushering Rey inside. </p><p>“Han! Come out here and say hi to Rey! She needs help with her bags!” Rey could hear Leia hollering, making Rey snort. </p><p>
  <em> Classic Leia.  </em>
</p><p>As Rey stumbled into the entry of her home, she felt a smile on her face. </p><p>Home. </p><p>“Leave your bags right there, Han will carry them up to your room for you. Come into the kitchen, I want to hear all about this semester.” Maz stated firmly, stepping around Rey and walking into the kitchen. </p><p>Walking into the small kitchen, Rey was reminded of early mornings making coffee with Maz as Han and Leia slowly danced while the light from the sunrise melted over their dancing figures. </p><p>So many beautiful moments in such a beautiful home. </p><p>Rey could only beg the universe on her hands and knees for just a little longer with this love. Then she would be happy for the rest of her life.  </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Honestly, if you're up at three am reading this, I applaud you, but after this chapter, I shall request you put the device down and get some sleep. Maybe drink some water too? Anyways, enjoy the chapter. My writing hurts my eyes, but I hope it doesn't hurt yours. My tumblr is Bugmoomoo if anyone wants to bother my on there:)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>As Maz shuffled around the kitchen, huffing something along the lines of there not being enough mugs in “this damn house” Rey got settled at the small Sofa facing the ocean, where Leia had already seated herself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s this big news I hear everyone talking about? Are they finally refurnishing the library? I start work there in a week and I would really like it if the couches didn’t smell like an old woman's house.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey! Watch your mouth young lady, you’re lucky this old woman knows what candles are.” Maz added from the kitchen. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Leia laughed, clearly enjoying the mirth, but her smile became strained when Rey focused back on her. Clearly whatever news this was, it was strenuous. Han followed Maz from the kitchen, holding two mugs of tea, handing one to Leia, and then sitting down in the loveseat next to Leia. Maz stayed standing, leaning against the back door frame. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Leia shifted to face Rey more clearly. Rey stiffened, sensing the tension in the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did someone die? Is Chewie okay? Oh dear god, if Chewie died-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You remember Ben, right?” Leia cut her off. Rey froze. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>No no no no no please dear god let this be a horrible joke. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes…?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well…” Leia trailed off, avoiding eye contact and staring into her tea. “I just want you to know that, he’s going to be joining us this summer after leaving his old job.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey paused. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just for the summer?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Leia returned to eye contact after the worst of it was over.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’ll be staying in our house for the summer, and then moving a few doors down permanently to work at Coruscant University.” Leia looked at Han, and then added, “We all felt that maybe we needed to heal together. After everything happened.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey was struck. Of course she was annoyed and so frustrated with their decision, but who was she to stop them?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>What made Rey furious, was that after everything Ben did, he could just come back? That Han and Leia still loved him, and genuinely wanted him back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Why him? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Why not </span>
  <em>
    <span>her</span>
  </em>
  <span>? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay.” Rey gritted. Leia’s small smile turned into a full blown grin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh good, Rey. You’ll love him! I truly believe that he’s grown into a good man. Maybe you’ll find him handsome-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Leia no.” Rey hushed. She was already furious enough, she did not need Leia trying to set her up with her asshole of a son who was currently turning her enjoyable summer into a hellhole. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What luck. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh loosen up! No harm no foul.” Maz snorted at this statement. If anyone knew her frustration towards Bens previous actions, it would be Maz, who had listened to countless rants about the absent boy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ll be okay Rey. Finn still lives nearby, you can always escape to him to avoid clawing Bens eyes out.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey took a deep breath. Yes, Maz was right, and if Rey was really careful, she may be able to avoid the boy- no, </span>
  <em>
    <span>man-</span>
  </em>
  <span> completely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After this calming idea arrived, Rey began mapping a plan that all started with Ben's arrival. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Leia, what day is Ben coming in?” Rey asked, standing from the couch and moving to the kitchen to wash out her mug. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, today, in about an hour or so. Why do you ask?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Han laughed, “She’s planning when it would be best to dip and avoid interaction.” Leia looked at Rey with an exasperated stare. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just want you to meet him once. Please. Then you can avoid him for the rest of your life. But I beg you, as your hypothetical Godmother, to please meet my son.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey just nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span> Well when she put it like that, she didn’t have much of an option now did she? </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Leia smiled at her. Squeezed her shoulder, and then turned back to Maz to talk about the newest articles of some plagiarism case in the supreme court. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As Rey began to make herself a sandwich, because </span>
  <em>
    <span>hello</span>
  </em>
  <span>, traveling makes her hungry, she heard the telltale ring of Leia's phone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh! That must be Ben!” Leia said, pulling out her phone and answering the call. “Yea, but we are at Maz’s house right now. You can drop your bags inside your room and then head over. We have tea……… yes Ben, of course you’re welcome…………. No you are not imposing-Ben, no, please, Maz’s foster daughter is here too- she’s very nice………. no. ……. Okay yes. Alright, see you soon.” Leia hung up, a smile on her face. “I swear, I haven’t seen that man in over a decade, and yet, his hesitancy has not changed.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maz laughed at this. “Yes well, he was always quite the oddity, that boy. He could argue like no other, but refuse any sort of hospitality.” Leia snorted, shaking her head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What on earth are we going to do.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After about an hour of mindless chit chat, Rey had been deduced for reading an old copy of Pride and Prejudice and trying to (whilst failing miserably, she may add) to warm up with an old blanket from Maz’s sofa. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Stupid Maine. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>As Rey was just starting to get comfortable, there was a sharp knock on the door, making Rey jump what felt like six feet into the air. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Simultaneously, Leia immediately jumped up, running to the door faster then Rey had ever seen her run. Leia flung open the door and launched herself to the poor unsuspecting man. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>What if it was a pizza delivery man? Rey thought to herself. What story to tell </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> would be. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A few moments later, Leia dragged in a tall, tired looking man who looked absurdly identical to-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Professor Ren?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben, or, Professor Rens head snapped into her direction, eyes immediately widening. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>No. Fucking. Way. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Either this man is a carbon copy of her pain in the ass professor, or it was her professor. And the probability of there being a doppleganger to her professor seemed unlikely considering his… less then conventional looks. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The air in the room immediately tensed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey, do you know him?” Leia asked, seemingly not recognizing the look of pure frustration on Rey's face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey was silent for a moment, staring at the man who had given her hell for the past year. Who, on the first day, made her nearly drop the damn class because, damnit, someone that annoying shouldn’t look that good. As Rey prepared a more adequate explanation, the stupid lizard brain in her head decided to unleash full fury on this poor man and all other occupants in the living room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, actually, funny coincidence that the very man who made my life a living hell for the last semester, is the same man who made your lives a living hell for a whole decade! Real funny how the universe is just totally fucking us all over today.” Rey slammed her book onto the coffee table, and stomped up to her room. Not planning on going back downstairs in daylight for the rest of the summer. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>How the actual fuck does something like this even happen? Why? Why her? </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>After flinging open her bedroom door, Rey closed it (quietly, even though Maz was a firm hater of corporal punishment, Rey was pretty sure she’d be kicked in the stomach by the women if she slammed any doors.) and flopped right on her bed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>This. This was horrible. Disgusting. Totally unfair. Wrong. There were not enough words to describe how absolutely bullocks insane the entire situation was. So Rey settled on the words really fucked up. And found that they sufficed quite well for the situation. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t until Rey shot up from her bed, completely disoriented and a serious mess, did she realize a few things. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The first thing was that Maz must have come in and layed a blanket over her, bless her soul. Even after her horrible outburst. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The other thing was that it was probably around three in the morning, and she doubted she’d be able to fall back asleep, considering the fact that she went to bed at like, six. Rey sighed, and decided maybe she should shower and change out of her travel clothes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sitting up and puttering down the hallway, making sure to be quiet, Rey prayed there would be hot water left. Hopefully, she could make the water hot enough that it would overpower the humiliating memories of the evening. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Luck was apparently not on her side, and Rey was granted with a freezing shower, and no solace from her memories. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Fucking small town water heaters. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>After getting cleaned and changed, Rey moved back into her room. Standing for five minutes in her room, contemplating what exactly she does with so much time on her hands, Rey decided to throw on a sweatshirt and head down to the beach. Might as well get reacquainted with her surroundings since she’ll be spending the rest of her summer sneaking away from her old asshole professor. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As Rey made her way downstairs and nearly reached the back door, she heard Maz call out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey nearly fainted. Even though she wasn’t really going out to do anything bad, it still wasn’t pleasant being caught leaving the house late at night. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Maz.” Rey said, dejectedly. Maz looked concerned, but not angry or frustrated. Maz knew well enough that Rey wasn’t stupid enough to go do something reckless or dangerous. Not that there really was anything to do at all in Ajan. But it’s the subject of the matter. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come here sunshine. I’ll let you go, but I want to tell you something.” Maz motioned for her to sit next to her on the sofa.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After standing still for what felt like an hour, Rey was overcome with a feeling very similar to the one she felt as a small freshman girl when she first arrived. Beaten and bruised from Plutt, and scared to the bone of every man who walked in a five foot radius towards her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey shuffled towards Maz, plopping down and leaning against her shoulder. Maz reached up and played with her hair. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry.” Rey choked out. She couldn’t understand why Ben being back made her want to throw a tantrum like a four year old. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, sunshine, I know. It’s okay. I want you to know that no matter what, you can always come back. You will always have me. I will never ever throw you out. Okay?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even if Maz wasn’t her birth mother, she still had her instincts when Rey was angry. Rey nodded. It was so much easier to not show her disbelief when she didn’t use her voice. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because Rey couldn’t believe it. She couldn’t trust it. Her own mother, the person who loved her most, left her. So why couldn’t Maz, or Leia, or Han? It didn’t matter how much they loved her, because in the end, they will leave her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And it made her so angry because they would never leave Ben, would they? He hurt them. Stabbed them in the heart a billion times and then poured salt in the wound, and they welcomed him back with open arms. But Rey was born, and that was all her parents could apparently take. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>How horrible could Rey be? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Be safe, okay? I’m going to go to bed.” Maz told her as she stood up. Rey nodded again, following her and returning to the back door. She couldn’t speak. The lump in her throat seemed to swallow up her whole body. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Staring out the door, Rey could see her shadow through the glass, licking at her feet and grappling for her mind. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She flung the door open and let herself be embraced by its dim ambiance. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hate this I hate this I HATE THIS. <br/>But it's fine. Sometimes you must continue with horrible writing for the sake of the plot. My sinceriest apologies. <br/>Side note: Tomorrow is my 300 day mark for being sober from s*lf h*rm!!!!!!! my mom's getting me an ice cream cake!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Fucking Maine. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was cold. And it was June. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey shuffled along the path towards the beach. It was short, barely even a quarter of a mile, but it still managed to suck in this weather. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey fumbled for the flashlight she haphazardly grabbed right before Maz’s little speech, flicking it on and using it to guide her footsteps.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As she approached the small cliff (barely a cliff, it was like, five feet), Rey could see in the dim light, a figure standing out on the rocks. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Curious, and slightly stupid, Rey climbed down the old ladder, and began to make her way towards the tall figure. It wasn’t until she was close enough to have her cover blown that she realized how fucking stupid her decision was. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Professor Ren- or, excuse her- Ben, turned around, squinting his eyes and holding up his hand to block her flashlights harsh light. It took him a second to realize through his mild panic that it was just her, and then it hit him again that it was </span>
  <em>
    <span>her</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His face looked like it was going through the five stages of grief. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yea. Oh.” Rey scoffed before turning around and preparing to walk back home. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nimma, wait.” She heard he call out through the rain. Rey froze, slowly turning around. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What.” She gritted. Ben had the audacity to look at least slightly guilty, with his shoulders hunched and his brows furrowed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just- we need to talk this through if we’re going to be civil.” He grumbled, wiping away at the rain dripping down his forehead. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Talk through what? There’s a lot of options Professor.” Ben flinched at the word, as if it burned him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry for being rude. I am trying to not be defensive and closed off. I am also sorry for leaving. I wasn’t told specifics but I get how entitled and disgusting it looked from your point of view-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“From my point of view? It’s not subjective what you did. You left. You had everything, but you were to greedy and selfish to see what you had, so you left.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben looked was stricken, but the expression soon melted away into a look of grief and exhaustion. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. I can’t go back and fix what I did, I can only move forward. I never knew it would end up hurting Han, leia, Maz and even you. I didn’t know, and if I had thought about anybody else at the time other then myself, I would have seen how stupid I was being. But you are right, what I did isn’t subjective, but the story as a whole is larger than the summary Leia gave you.” Ben rubbed his face. “As for my actions while I was your professor, in my defense, you have a whole lot of wasted talent-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Excuse me?-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And… I wanted to push you, I wanted to see if you could do more. What I do regret is how I went about that. I was a prick. And I am sorry.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey was silent for a moment. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yea, you were a massive prick. I called you professor ‘stick up his ass’ in my head for weeks after you handed back our first essay.” Rey mumbled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That was the closest she was ever going to get to a ‘I forgive you.’ and Ben seemed to take note of that because he huffed out a breath and shook his head, which was probably the closest thing to a laugh she’s ever seen from him.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Considering how harsh I was, I’ll say I deserved it.” Rey nodded and turned back to the sea. Switching off her flashlight and sitting on one of the rocks. Ben didn’t move, and instead just opting to shift his weight on his feet. “What are you doing out here at three in the morning?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I could ask the same of you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>From the corner of her eye, Rey could see him shrug, following her gaze out into the ocean as he considered how to respond. Rey didn’t dare look up at him. They were on thin ice as it was, and she did not need to be staring at him for their first civil conversation. No matter the reason. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Everything’s just a little easier to handle out here.” He said, and Rey couldn’t help but agree. The sea did something to her mind, it seemed to smooth out her worries and fears, just enough to take the edge off. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yea I get that. This was like my designated crying spot junior year.” Ben huffed again at this, and sat down next to her on one of the rocks. Rey made a sound of surprise at his movement, Ben swivled his head to look at her, a look of confusion on his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t think you’d sit, you know, close to the edge, with someone who objectively wouldn’t regret pushing you in if there were no repurcussions.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes well I am afraid the murder does come with a few penalties.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A shame. I heard the local prisons nice though.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They don’t send felons to the local prison.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Would it seriously be a felony?” Rey asked. Ben barked out an actual laugh, head tilted back and all. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Rey definitely did </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> like the sound of it. Not </span>
  <em>
    <span>at all</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Perhaps not a felony but still bad. I would say at least second degree murder. Since some sort of meditation on the act is involved.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How do you know that?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You practically told me your plan. I would say that that counts as some meditation.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hm. Meditation could easily be subjective, what qualifies as meditation?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, that’s actually pretty simple, meditation is when an idea or action is considered for longer then a fleeting idea, so considering the fact that you took the time to speak your intention, it counts as genuine meditation.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hm.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that an admission to failure?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. I just have nothing else to say.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben chuckled again, leaving Rey's stomach in knots.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, to reply to your statement of misplaced trust, I find that showing that you trust someone with something small, will help smooth over old grudges.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think you trusting me with your life qualifies as something small.” Rey pointed out. Slightly puzzled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh? So I’m not someone who you’d push over a cliff without a second thought if there were no repercussions.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey huffed, “I thought we were trying to mend our grudges.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey,” Ben shot, “that was two minutes ago.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Was it?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>At this Ben let out a second laugh. Parts of the pleasant sound floating into Rey's lungs, giving her the sensation of being lighter, a little more free. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Breathing felt less like exhaling old ghosts, and more like letting go. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Just a little bit though. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And as Rey sat in the shadows, she realized that the world somehow still managed to be beautiful. Maybe it was the smell of salt and basil, or the sound of the waves of the rocks. But it didn’t matter, because what Rey originally mistook for evil within the darkness, revealed itself to simply be the unknown. Something tender and untouched, like a hot bath with steam rising off of its glass surface, or a mountain covered in fog. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And despite this undercurrent of reluctance and fear, Rey felt for the first time ever, that maybe it was time to let herself explore it. To let herself explore her own mind. To accept her darkness and understand it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was time to grow. </span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>He speaks! I know we didn't go into detail about Ben when he was a professor or what he's doing home n stuff after snoke, but that will come along. These chapters were mainly the exposition. <br/>Funny fact about me, a lot of people in the star wars community are like "girls only like star wars for ben solo!" and all I have to say to that is A) I am a lesbian B) I love Ben, but the jealously I feel is intense because mans got to kiss Rey. And also, girls are more than entilted to liking male action characters? like hello? Adam Driver was like the reason I was nervous to call myself a lesbian because he's attractive as hell. But then I figured myself out and was like..... he's super attractive, but uhhh not a women. Please do not feel guilty for liking male characters, it's more than okay. Especially if you've had trauma with men n stuff and feel safer just chillin liking people that can never really hurt you rather then having panic attacks when someone tries to kiss you. For reals, do what your comfy with and if anyone says otherwise I will roundhouse kick them in the nose &gt;:(</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>If expositions were human, I would fucking roundhouse kick them in the groin because of how much I despise them. </p><p>Any of you guys want to talk? My Tumblr is Bugmoomoo feel free to annoy me on there!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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